So clearly I have good taste in women (For more evidence please reference "Fuhriman, Jessica Leigh"), but how do you REALLY prove your prowess in such a field? How could I validate the fact that my view of beauty is superior to those of my friends? Answer: Miss Universe Competition.
As you've read before, for the past few years the Deweys have hosted a beauty pageant competition that spontaneously began one night when we were playing games and a Miss USA pageant broke out on television. Since then our scoring and methodology has dramatically improved, also helped by the Deweys' decision to get Tivo so we could stop and compose ourselves between the non-stop pageant action.
This year, I had Miss Venezuela picked as my front-runner from the beginning. Why, you ask? First of all, I caught the ending of the Miss Venezuela pageant last year in a hotel room in Hong Kong and I realized that they were all, well, hot. Whoever won that contest had to be, well, REALLY hot. I don't know if it's the water, the tropical weather or the socialist agenda of Hugo Chavez, but something is going on in the Bolvarian Republic of Venezuela.
Secondly, in my extensive research I saw that Miss Venezuela hadn't been a Miss Universe in a dozen years! A travesty...
I went into the pageant with a definite list of top contestants based on beauty and a bit of pragmatism. For instance, in the Top 15 round I knew I would be selecting:
- Miss Venezuela (she always makes it and she's hot)
- Miss USA (TV ratings, baby...)
- Miss Vietnam (host country -- RIGHT GILBERT?)
- Miss Japan (Miss Japan won last year, and this year would make the semi-finals to avoid embarassment in the home country even if she had a goiter the size of Mount Fuji coming out of her neck)
- Czech Republic (Jessica is part Czech, so it make sense that Miss Czech Republic would be hot and nice)
After a tremendous performance in the Top 15 round (I picked 11 of them), I slumped in the Top 10 where I got last place (only chose 5 of the Top 10). But I tooootally redeemed myself in the Top 5 competition, where I picked all of the Top 5 -- including my Miss Venezuela selection.
I won't bore you with the rest of the details, but the final results included an astounding win of 149 points for me... including a selection of Miss Venezuela to win it all from the beginning, netting me bonus points that made it a massacre of my fellow competitors, who now hate me. In fact, Jessica is disgusted that my "icky taste always wins." Icky taste, says my new bride? Hmmmm... :)
I have a sinking feeling that my hot streak ends with next year's Miss USA, but I'll be sure to let you know.
See Nicole's scorecard below, including her quite scientific analysis of the Top 3 which includes the comment: "Miss Venezuela: just hot":
2 comments:
Ummmmm. Let's just be clear here. I do believe you learned your beauty pageant analysis techniques from being present during the Fuhriman girls' critique of the Miss America, Miss USA or Miss Universe pageants year after year. Ha! And you acted like you weren't paying attention. Hate to break it to you, Dave... but apparently there were some advantages to growing up with a household of sisters...
I am honored that you chose my score sheet to post on your blog. But, I still hate it that you clearly had everyone beat from the moment Jerry Springer yelled into the camera, "Welcome, and watch out Vietnam!"
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