Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Happy Anniversary

Yes, it's true. Someone decided to be my girlfriend for a whole year. And on top of that, she is a splendid soul and apparently isn't trying to set a Guinness record for "longest relationship between a hottie and a dork." I think she saw the current record -- held by Courteney Cox and David Arquette -- and gave up on that long ago.

Jessica and I had a couple days together in Los Angeles during our anniversary as I was on my way back from a grueling business trip through New York and Atlanta. Only a year earlier, I had rejected an offer to move to New Jersey that would no doubt have changed my life in many ways (for better or worse, I have no idea nor do I much care at this point) and immediately booked a ticket using my plentiful (at that point) frequent flier miles to head to Los Angeles and see if these feelings I had for an old friend had any merit. Luckily for me, they did -- and amazingly we have found a way to let a long-distance relationship blossom.

Twelve months later, we celebrated at her favorite restaurant (El Torito Grill in Bev Hills), did Christmas shopping and visited friends before returning to the Pei Wei where I first made "the curry face" and won her heart. We drove up PCH into Malibu and back, stopping for a walk on the beach and some frolicking with Pixie.

It's true what they say -- time flies when your girlfriend is an angel.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Curses!

I had a nice, long rant written about how "The A Team" could save society but when I tried to add an image it got areased and I'm too frustrated to re-write it. Suffice it to say that it touched on the intricacies of "The A Team" and was pretty much the best thing you'll ever read.

Instead, I will talk about college football. Why? Because with the exception of Jessica, it is pretty much my favorite thing right now. I loved that it was so cold and wet yesterday so I could quickly get my To Do list done and sit at home for the rest of the day watching 7 games at once through the wonders of DVR. What was even better was that by the end of the day, there was absolutely no sense left in the world of college football and it was both awesome and sad.

For those of you not familiar with college football... allow me to assume that you have seen and remember the movie "Karate Kid" (because if you don't then we are not friends and you shouldn't be allowed to read my blog).

Let's say that instead of Danny Larusso (Ralph Macchio for those who aren't as dorky as me) entered the All-Valley Karate Tournament and won the first couple rounds. But instead of continuing past the quarterfinals, the tournament directors instead decided to select the top two competitors from the first rounds and automatically put them in the championship. The other contestants (presumably including Danny because he lost some points in early matches even though he won) could compete against someone else on the side but would have no chance to win the title. What would that mean? Johnny Lawrence and most likely Dutch (the curly-haired blonde with the bloodied nose and crazy eyes) would compete for the title, and because Danny didn't win he'd still get bullied by the Cobra Kai and probably lose the companionship of Elizabeth Shue and her calf-high stockings. Does that seem at all fair?

Well, that's how the powers that be select the college football championship. Based on polls and computer models, the top two teams are selected to play for the national championship, and at least 6 other very good teams have no recourse or way to play themselves into the championship.

Can we have some sanity, people? An 8-team playoff? Apparently not, and here's why.

The university presidents and conference directors say no because it extends the season of some teams and doesn't allow them to focus on academics. Well, they should have thought of that before they approved an extra game that teams can play this year. They should have thought of that before they treated these kids differently from the moment they arrived on campus, with free meals and tutors and two days off a week to travel to games. Arrrgh!

It seems pretty easy to let the top 4 teams in Division I college football (out of 118 or something) play at most 2 extra games to actually have a championship. My nephew could draw this up, and he isn't even 2 yet.

Anyway, it was a great day to watch college football anyway, and both of my teams won. I like lazy Saturdays in the Fall.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

David Parker Fuhriman

- November 18th, 2007

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO PRESS

DAVID FUHRIMAN, FAMED PURVEYOR OF AWESOMENESS, BEGINS COMPELLING BLOG TO FEED VORACIOUS APPETITE OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR FREQUENT UPDATES

BEAVERTON, OR -- David Parker Fuhriman, in a move of infinite wisdom and egotism, has announced his intention to maintain a web log of entries, or "blog," to chronicle his actions, feelings and dreams to meet the high demand of an adoring few (or none).

The blog, a brilliant idea spawned in the mind of one of Raggedy Ann & Andy's Kinder College's greatest alumni, promises to meet the needs of Fuhriman's parents at the very least, and this list may grow to include his girlfriend, sisters and perhaps even those not connected to him by blood or contractual agreement.

"The idea hit me one day, between my shift at the orphanage and my kidney donation to the Dalai Lama," said Fuhriman, a humble man who never speaks of his vast charitable contributions to society. "If just one person can learn from my -- let's face it, puh-retty dang awesome -- example, then the painstaking hours of assembling this blog will be worth their weight in Papa John's and Jiffy Lube coupons."

Fuhriman has captivated audiences worldwide since he first wrote his exclusive list of "Top Friends" and "Top Girlfriends" in his fourth-grade school journal. That list, now published annually, is considered a litmus test of popularity in the mind of its author, if not in most of the free world. Jessica Raychek of Santa Monica, CA is currently the only member of the "Top Girlfriends" list -- a distinction shared by none that has made her quick friends on Fuhriman's "Facebook" friends list.

It is expected that Fuhriman will update his blog on a weekly basis at least, combining images and words into a Coldstone Creamery-like literary concoction oozing with taste, wit and Heath bar chunks.