Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Merger Announcement

Announcement: Jessica and I are joining forces. Yeah, I know we're already married and all (although Jessica's technically still a Raychek - perhaps more on that in another post), but I've realized that I post way too sporadically to actually keep up a blog on its own. So I'm joining hers as a contributor, womany blog decorations and all.

Read our blog at:

Sunday, March 8, 2009

My Little Idol

Last week during dinner I asked Jessica what song she would sing if she made it to the finals of American Idol.

She squinted a bit in a thoughtful, far-off gaze, pursed her lips, and turned to me and said, "Ummm... proooobably Meatball," finishing her answer with subtle nodding indicating that after much thought it was certainly the best choice for an answer.

"Huh? Meatball?" I eloquently replied, swiftly scanning my musical Rolodex for a meatball-related song and finally resting on "On Top of Old Smokey" as the selected song from Jessica's mental jukebox. This made little sense, as I'm sure Simon, Randy, Paula and New Girl would certainly have an issue with her "song choice" at that stage of the game.

"What's MEATBALL?" I asked again.

"I sang it all the time on karaoke, so I'd pick that one," she said.

I stared back -- I was out of ideas. It couldn't be "Old Smokey." I scaled my search back from "Meatball" to all meat-related songs and artists.

Cheeseburger in Paradise? No...

"You mean Meat Loaf?" I asked.

"YES! Of course, Meat Loaf!", she said with a bit of an embarrassed self-giggle. Eventually, we crescendoed into a minute-long guffaw about her mental block, especially when we realized it may have been influenced by her polishing off a meatball sandwich earlier in the day.

Classic. I love my wife.

Friday, February 6, 2009


Jessica went to a stake "Girls' Night Out" thing, so I am home but going to the gym soon.

I haven't "blogged" in a long time, so I thought I would throw up a couple things (the verb seems appropriate given Jessica's week too):

  • It's official -- I am somehow, some way allergic to baby carrots. I could be allergic to "adult" carrots too, but does anybody really eat those anymore? Seriously, who wants to buy and then peel the "Bugs Bunny" type carrots when the baby ones are oh-so-easy to eat right out of the bag? Anyway, I got a new bag of them I was munching on at work, and then the sneezing started. I think I blacked out in the middle of it, and woke up with tiny chewed bits of baby carrot all over my office. And then I remembered that this has happened on wayyyy too many occasions to be coincidence. So I'm stamping it down as official -- I am allergic to them and I'll devote my life to finding a way to make baby pears without a core that I can just pop in my mouth and down.
  • Who buys the "middle" gas type? I don't even know its name, but it's in between the regular unleaded and the premium. Do gas stations just keep 10 gallons of that in the back in case someone actually buys it? Is there a law that you need three levels of gasoline? If you're going to go "premium," why not just go all the way?
  • I love learning things in podcasts -- for instance, two random facts I can pass along: 1. Redheads require on average 20% more anesthesia than non-redheads. It has something to do with the lack of pigmentation and cells not clinging to the anesthesia or something. 2. The chief of the British military is named Jock Stirrups; he was interviewed on a BBC podcast. Seriously? Jock Stirrups? I'm calling that made up...

That's all. You are all loved.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Predictions for 2008 & Beyond!

For the last two years, Jessica and I have had some people over for New Year's Eve, and we've made it a tradition of making predictions for the coming year (lovingly stolen from Dr. Todd Hillyard). We seal them up in an envelope and open them at year's end, finding that we are parts sooth and parts ridiculous. Here are some predictions I NAILED for 2008:

  • "I will be engaged or married to Jessica." NAILED IT!
  • "I will break a bone" -- OK didn't nail it but tore my Achilles so I'm putting this in the "kinda got it" category
  • "Gilbert and Nicole will get pregnant" -- NAILED IT!
  • "Matt and Catherine will have a child" -- TRIPLE NAILED IT!
  • "Earthquakes in Southern California, China" -- I was amazed at this one, I'm opening up a psychic hotline now
  • "Obama elected President" -- now I'm on a roll
  • "Housing prices continue to slump - US in recession" -- HOW COME NOBODY ASKED ME?! Also, how come I didn't re-allocate my 401(k) so I wouldn't lose so much? Hmmm...

Here are some I was way off on, for humor's sake:

  • I will go to Hong Kong twice (none, actually and remarkably. Now that I have friends there I wish I were going finally. Harrumph.)
  • Jessica will get a new car (apparently I forgot about the whole "married to me" prediction)
  • BYU will go to a BCS bowl (grrrrrr....)
  • Celebrity Deaths: Jimmy Carter, Paul McCartney, Bob Barker, Dick Cheney, Paul Harvey, Neil Diamond (no on each count. Maybe next year.)
  • Patriots win 25 straight games (not even close -- thanks to a Tom Brady injury)

So -- what are some predictions for 2009? Here are some of mine, feel free to add yours in comments and I can check them at the end of 2009:

  • There will be an exciting new space discovery
  • Justin Timberlake gets engaged to whoever he's dating (it seems like it's about time)
  • There will be new "To Catch A Predator" Dateline shows
  • Two college football teams finish undefeated and 1-2 in the polls
  • Madonna & A-Rod begin publicly dating (again, it's about time)
  • International community/UN intervenes in Sudan & Congo
  • Jessica & I have a boy
  • Kim Jong Il, Fidel Castro pass away within weeks of each other
  • Jessica will win a prize of some kind (besides me as her husband)

What say ye? Have any predictions?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

News From Around the World

A couple observations and tidbits from life these days:

Last weekend Jess and I went to Powell's World of Books to get pregnancy books, and she lovingly (OK, strongly) suggested I get a book as an expectant father, so I know what's going on. So I purchased "The Expectant Father," and read the first chapter on Sunday. Now whenever Jessica does something I don't like, I just turn to her lovingly and condescendingly, and coo with a nod, "Yes -- the book said this would happen." She now hates my book.

Speaking of fathers... I thoroughly enjoyed this article in the Wall Street Journal about adults fighting at Chuck E. Cheese pizza parlors across the country. Outbreak of violence at Chuck E. Cheese? From PARENTS?! My favorite portion of the article was this fun anecdote about one incident:

"The biggest melee broke out in April, when an uninvited adult disrupted a child's birthday party. Seven officers arrived and found as many as 40 people knocking over chairs and yelling in front of the restaurant's music stage, where a robotic singing chicken and the chain's namesake mouse perform."

Can you just picture a bunch of adults throwing chairs while Chuck, Jasper Jowls and Friends are automatronically performing their band routine? I hope this is me someday.

By now everyone's heard of Rod Blagojevich, Corrupt Governor of Illinois (can they make this part of the official title of governor in that state?). While I care about the politics of the situation, my real question is: WHAT IS UP WITH THE HAIR?! Every time I see a picture of this guy, I feel like I just time-warped to 1983 and the guy is wearing a rugby shirt with his 501's and Chuck Taylors. Or, I feel like I'm watching a Russian mob boss. Is the man ashamed of his forehead? Did he win a Lifetime Fantastic Sam's gift card 25 years ago? Does he have a second, evil head under there that was actually doing the talking on the wiretap while the real Rod was asleep? Is this the worst haircut since Trump (OK, tied with the current Donald)? I need a ruling on this.

And finally, I heard earlier this week that Zimbabwe's inflation rate is 9.7 sextillion percent -- that means that every day, the value of a Zimbabwe dollar loses half of its value. So people in stores refuse to take a check, since it would be worthless by the time the money is deposited. I think you can buy a soda with the Monopoly money below:

    Suddenly, the price of gas here doesn't sound so bad.

Country Music and Two Lines

Last Wednesday, I got home from church stuff and found Jessica in the den on the computer. Curiously, she was playing a downloaded song from iTunes, which rarely happens when she's on the computer (normally she's writing or reading blogs, or scrapping or day trading or learning Klingon or whatever happens on She said she wanted to play a song for me.

I could tell from the twang and the flash of the name "Clint Black" that this probably wasn't going to be something from MY playlist. With the exception of some Kenny Rogers (and The Man in Black if you count him as country), I hold little affection for country music. But my wife feels differently, and I was in a decent mood so I was more than happy to humor her and listen to a song. We spent about 86 hours doing this before our wedding, choosing songs for the various dances, videos, etc. that often come with the ring.

The song is called "Little Pearl and Lily's Lullaby." I still don't know the words or exactly what the song is about, but I'll always remember it because Jessica pulled out a pink stick and displayed it for me in a way that made me immediately recognize that whatever this pink thing was, it was important. I looked a little closer.

Two little lines... I thought. What could that mean? Oh, here's a legend:

"One Line -- Not Pregnant"
"Two Lines -- Pregnant"

I looked back at the two lines. Are there TWO lines?

According to Jessica, I asked her this several times as she stared and smiled patiently. Soon we were hugging and swaying. I couldn't really dance at our wedding, but I could do it now.

Meanwhile, Pixie was nipping at our heels and calves, wondering what all the hubbub was about. Little does she know what she's in for.

I've really enjoyed my days as Uncle David, but c'mon. This is going to be AWESOME.

AUGUST 9th! We'll keep you updated on the gender, species, etc.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Droppin' Some WSJ Knowledge

This morning when I walked outside, I almost came inside like Steve Martin did in "The Jerk" -- "the new phone books are here!" Instead, I was feeling that way about the Wall Street Journal.

I love the Wall Street Journal; I try to read it every morning on the recumbent bike at the gym, and it helps the time go by quite fast. But I let my subscription expire (gasp!), because it costs $299 to renew for a year and only $120 a year for new subscribers. Last week I congratulated Jessica on her involuntary decision to subscribe to the paper for me.

Although I know I'm not alone in reading the Journal every day, there aren't many of us left. So in celebration of my (er, Jessica's) subscription renewal, I decided I'll share something I learned every once in a while. Today: PIRATES.

Have any of us stopped and really thought about the news lately? Almost daily we are regaled with stories of pirates off the Horn of Africa taking control of ships. PIRATES! In 2008! How are these pirates getting on board a ship, let alone taking control? Do these pirate ships drive up next to a big cargo ship and gesture with a rotating arm to the captain to roll his window down, and then jump in? Are there random ropes hanging off these cargo ships that said pirates climb up with a rusty dagger in their collective mouths?

If you're loving this Renaissance of Pirates nearly as much as I am, perhaps you'll enjoy this Op-Ed piece in the Journal today, titled: Why Don't We Hang Pirates Anymore?

My favorite part of this piece is that the U.N.'s Law of the Sea Convention states that ships aren't allow to FIRE on pirate ships... legally they are required to, and I quote, "first to send over a boarding party to inquire of the pirates whether they are, in fact, pirates." Whaaaa? Who does this? And how is this "boarding party" chosen? Do these unfortunate souls negotiate to avoid cleaning the toilets on board for the rest of the trip if they participate?

I personally prefer the 18th Century legal code laid out in the piece: "A piracy attempted on the Ocean, if the Pirates are overcome, the Takers may immediately inflict a Punishment by hanging them up at the Mainyard End; though this is understood where no legal judgment may be obtained."

Now, I don't know where the Main-yard End is, but if you're hanging someone does it really matter where?

Anyway, more to come -- on pirates, and so much more.